Was hesitant between continuing with my work and writing my first formal blog post in this old-new blog. Old because I had this WordPress account at least 3 years ago and new because I have deleted the old blogs linked to this account.
So why am I trying to write again? Well, I need this right now in my life and that’s the main reason why I created this blog in the first place so here goes:
I’m at a crossroad in my life, more of work-related. Also, this time I can’t be bothered how well my sentences and paragraphs are framed. Anyway, back to the crossroad. I’m pretty much exhausted and tired of seeing the same old faces of higher authority. Exhausted because I have been working so hard – I consider myself having two jobs, both well-paid and I want to give my best to both. I keep telling myself, “I can do this.”, “It’s for the money.” Yet, right now everything has come to a standstill and I’m not as strong-minded as I used to be. I’m bored at the same old routine albeit still driven by the dollars.
Someone I met about half a year ago at my language class recently told me a simple story about someone in the same situation as me – well, if you are still young and well, stick with the higher paying job. Makes simple sense, doesn’t it?
I work hard on weekends in my supplementary job and harder in my core job. Lack of motivation caused by uninspiring, petty ‘leaders’ at work and co-workers who are dependent lead me to what I am feeling right now – in fact, for a few months already. I read somewhere that change either comes from the outside or the inside. If you can’t do anything to the outside, change the inside. I can’t change everyone and everything at job #1 and my mind is too tired to change form the inside. So how?
I’m falling apart in all aspects of my life. My health hasn’t been all great, I’m tired all the time, I’m not catching up in language class, I forget things now, and my wealth and health (my main goals for 2015) is not growing.